The Smallest Things Can Make All the Difference

Down 2.6 pounds this week. Booyah! That's with a cold and everything. I have felt like crap these past couple of days and on Thursday I was working only because I had to teach a Nook Class and I was functioning solely on Robitussin and about 8 cups of Coconut Ginger Vanilla Green Tea....

I'm proud of that loss this week and our WW meeting was really emotional today. It was kind of crazy the places everyone went and how they talked about how heavier people are treated in society and one woman was saying she can't take a compliment even though she's lost 250 pounds because she still weighs 250 pounds. I think my jaw about hit the floor right then. First because holy freakin crap bravo for that huge accomplishment but secondly, can't take a compliment?? How silly... and then I thought about it and I frowned and I realized...

I don't take compliments well either.

Sometimes I feel like the person is just waiting for me to fail, and other times I just get plain embarrassed if someone tells me "Oh, you look good today!" or "hey! have you lost some weight!?" Why should I be embarrassed?

Is my fat like a squishy armor? Am I hiding under all this weight and pressure and fear?

Yes.

Will I cease to exist once all of that "comfrat(yes I did just make this up, yes it is comfort and fat combined)" is gone?

No.

So why are so many of us afraid of being seen as beautiful or sexy or being looked at or whatever. Why do we not want to be noticed? Why do we hide behind layers of blubber?

Maybe sometimes I feel like people won't like me anymore if I'm not the fat funny girl... But what's so wrong about wanting to be the healthy funny girl? That's who I want to be, that's my winning outcome. It took me all day to figure that out. At my meeting at 10:30AM Laura our meeting leader handed out winning outcome sheets and now I know mine. I want to be the healthy funny girl, I want to continue to make people smile and love and laugh and be corny as all get out.

"Don't listen to 'em when they say, "you're just a fool just a fool if you believe you can change the world."

Just Keep Chasing Pavement.

In a very slow manner mind you, but I'm walking fast as my legs will carry me.

Took Snoopy to the dog park today and he LOVED it. Which is good because his big booty needs some exercise too. My beagle is the biggest beagle you will ever meet and he is purebred... and he's not actually obese! According to the vet anyway. They say he's different his head is huge and his paws are huge so he can only stand to lose 15-20 pounds... My beagle is 65 lbs... beagles are supposed to weigh 30 lbs.... So my question today is, do you believe in the term "big boned". According to the vets my dog is just a little overweight, according to random people on the street "that's the fattest beagle I've ever seen!!!"

I do believe that weight in relation to size is important, however people who are usually described as "big boned" are usually just.... not (if ya know what I'm saying). Call yourself fluffy, you don't have to be FAT! be fluffy, or plump, or I dunno.... Pillowy if you will. If you trick yourself into thinking your big boned and it's all genetics and oh predetermined destiny fate blahblahblah crap you're fooling only yourself. Trust me, I know.

You're not going to be happy when you're staring around the corner at 60 and still "fluffy" you'll be much better off and not blame all the people that said "ohhh you're just big boned" cuz they want to save your feelings. Tell them you're fat, be like "Nope, I'm just fat and I'm dealing with it and I'm fixing it and and and and you can't tell me how to be so there damnit."

How's that? lol

Staring Down the Barrel of a .45

There's a theme to my post titles, anyone catch on?

Not that anyone reads this lol

So when you're 5'8 and 350 pounds you're basically plugging your way to an early grave.

Most people I know don't want to die, but apparently somewhere I do or I am blind to the fact that I'm this heavy.

Doubtful, I promise you I do look in the mirror and I do see two chins staring back and me and my arms, oi vey my arms... lol

I'm learning to love me which I think is important in this journey, if I don't love myself and in turn my family and friends why would I want to take care of myself? What would the point be?

For me the thing to live for is not only me but my best friend, we've been through hell and back with her battle with Ovarian Cancer at age 30 and she's in remission now so that's awesome. But how can I tell her to be healthy and eat healthy and exercise when I can't follow my own example, and she's half of me! I love her like a sister more than anyone I know but I guess I was being selfish and destroying my body which also hurts her.

I want to lead and set an example for all the loved ones in my life and my future family.

Do you?

All I See For Me Is Better Days

Today was awesome. I went to my WW meeting(an expected gain but I'm back and moving forward), I tracked all day, I spent time with my family, and watched (500) Days of Summer. It was definitely a well-deserved relaxing Saturday and I'm glad I just happened to get the three-day weekend off from work without requesting it(even though two of my bosses tried to get me to work today and tomorrow, sorry guys I already had plans)

Also because I felt great today I walked into my room and went "ohmigahhhdd, it looks like WWIII went down all up in hurr." So I decided it was time to throw out old papers I had lying around and clean my desk which looked a lot like a hoarder had decided to put all of their stuff on it... Soooo not me. I was feeling crappy because of my recent gains and so instead of trying to keep something balanced in my life I started to look like crap and dress like crap and apparently let my bedroom turn to crap. Sometimes all you need to do to get back on the right road is make small changes and be able to control SOMETHING when it feels like everything is getting away from you.

And I'm beginning to realize that while this journey is difficult, and will always be difficult, the way you look at things and your attitude going into certain situations affects the outcome. If you're positive, honest, and believe in yourself anything is possible. I know sometimes it's so much easier to look at the negatives in everything but find one sliver of goodness and grasp onto it with all your might because it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Crawl Inside My Head With Me

Come on, I know it's crowded up in my dome but get in here for a minute....

Ok everyone comfortable? Have a seat... Thank you all for coming I'm Andreana all my friends call me Dre and today I am admitting that I eat emotionally.

I know shocker, right??

I'm pretty sure that everyone, well almost everyone, as at least once ate something because they didn't feel good or they felt they deserved it. Then there's some people (I'm raising my hand over here) who go a little overboard when they're overwhelmed or scared of change or are getting picked on.

I have eaten emotionally because of all of these things. Definitely not talking about having an ice cream sandwich and feeling guilty about it here. More like eating suddenly the whole box is gone, my tummy is hurting, and someone's yelling that all their good humor is missing. What causes people to do this? I know that things are called "Comfort" foods and obviously there's a larger meaning behind that word than warm soup that heats your insides on cold days.

My solution? Finding another outlet... What outlet you might ask? I'm thinking intense cardio on the arc trainer will be my new form of venting, that machine makes you sort of feel like you're flying I just need some good tunes and to make sure I'm eating because I'm hungry. Not because I'm upset or bored or I want to or I think I need it because someone pissed me off today. Food is fuel not comfort, comfort comes from love and support and friendships...

What outlet will you choose?