I'm proud of that loss this week and our WW meeting was really emotional today. It was kind of crazy the places everyone went and how they talked about how heavier people are treated in society and one woman was saying she can't take a compliment even though she's lost 250 pounds because she still weighs 250 pounds. I think my jaw about hit the floor right then. First because holy freakin crap bravo for that huge accomplishment but secondly, can't take a compliment?? How silly... and then I thought about it and I frowned and I realized...
I don't take compliments well either.
Sometimes I feel like the person is just waiting for me to fail, and other times I just get plain embarrassed if someone tells me "Oh, you look good today!" or "hey! have you lost some weight!?" Why should I be embarrassed?
Is my fat like a squishy armor? Am I hiding under all this weight and pressure and fear?
Yes.
Will I cease to exist once all of that "comfrat(yes I did just make this up, yes it is comfort and fat combined)" is gone?
No.
So why are so many of us afraid of being seen as beautiful or sexy or being looked at or whatever. Why do we not want to be noticed? Why do we hide behind layers of blubber?
Maybe sometimes I feel like people won't like me anymore if I'm not the fat funny girl... But what's so wrong about wanting to be the healthy funny girl? That's who I want to be, that's my winning outcome. It took me all day to figure that out. At my meeting at 10:30AM Laura our meeting leader handed out winning outcome sheets and now I know mine. I want to be the healthy funny girl, I want to continue to make people smile and love and laugh and be corny as all get out.
"Don't listen to 'em when they say, "you're just a fool just a fool if you believe you can change the world."
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